Selective Mutism

(Ensure that all staff know how to support the child’s communication. This includes receptionists, supply teachers, lunchtime staff and any other adults who work in school.)

Maintain a rewarding and accepting atmosphere where the child feels valued, regardless of any talking. Warmly respond to the child’s attempts to communicate non-verbally, by talking back naturally as if they had spoken.

Include the child in all activities. Provide opportunities for them to speak but do not demand it. For example, allow alternative means of communication, such as a smile, nod, look, thumbs up or raised hand, to answer the register. Likewise, provide visual representations of choices available so they can tell you or show you. Offer these to all children, not just the child in question.

Talk to the child without expecting a verbal response, e.g. “it’s nice to see you”, “you look like you had fun at breaktime”, “come in and see what activity you’d like to try”, etc. You could also make comments which may provoke a response but do not require one, e.g. “I wonder…”, “it looks as though…”, “I expect…”, “that looks like your dog but I can’t remember his name”, etc.

Avoid asking the child direct questions that require a spoken answer, so that they do not feel pressured to talk. They are unlikely to be able to answer, which will strengthen their fear and make it harder for them to answer in the future. Reassure the child in private that you won’t single them out to answer a question or read aloud unless they let you know that they want to be chosen.

Only ask questions that allow the child to respond non-verbally, for example, “show me which one you like best” and “whose turn now?” (allowing them to point to themselves or the adult). If you inadvertently ask a direct question, answer it yourself or sidestep – e.g. “let’s decide later”.

Avoid the dread of turn-taking in circle-time or whole-class activities by asking who would like to say something, rather than waiting for each child to have a go.

Praise the child’s non-verbal achievements and positive behaviours, e.g. “good sharing”, “you look smart today” or “you’ve written your name very neatly”. Notice when they are being helpful, kind, brave, hard-working, etc.

Encourage independence and success by setting small achievable targets with the child. Help them think of things they can do for themselves, e.g. showing a new child where to put their bag, or helping a less able child to tidy up.

Ensure the child can access the toilet, drinks, help and First Aid without speaking. Agree a procedure for when they feel ill. Invite them to let you know if anything is upsetting them.

If the child does talk, do not overreact or draw attention to it. Instead focus on what they conveyed rather than the fact that they spoke, and respond as you would any other child.

Talk to your child openly about their speech anxiety. Explain that you know it is frightening for him or her to talk in school, and lots of children feel this way. Say that it will not last and they will feel better about talking.

Ensure that your child sees themselves as someone who has not spoken in certain situations yet, rather than a non-speaker.

Try to avoid labelling your child as shy. Children with Selective Mutism are typically sensitive, but being told they are ‘shy’ or ‘don’t talk’ can maintain their difficulties.

Avoid unwillingly putting pressure on your child in the following ways:

gentle persuasion – “just have a little go, it’s easy”

cajoling – “just whisper then”

incentives, bribery – “if you say your name, you can have a special sticker”

reprimands – “your teacher can’t help you if you don’t her what’s wrong”

disapproval – “are you finally going to talk to your auntie / teacher today?”

ignoring – “it’s fine, you can talk to them just like you talk to us at home”

joining in – “it makes me sad when you don’t talk to your friends”

Instead you could try:

“everyone feels a bit nervous sometimes… it’s okay, you can still have a good time”

“I think you will do some really fun things today”

“show me what you would like to play with”

“let’s think of the best way for you to join in”

Likewise, do not tell your child to ‘say thank you’ or otherwise, as this puts them under direct pressure. Instead model saying ‘thank you’ yourself, and encourage your child to use their non-verbal communication skills such as smiles and waves.

Try not to spring surprises on your child; prepare them for changes and transitions.

Limit choices – too many choices when we are anxious can make us more stressed. Children with Selective Mutism often want to ‘get it right’, even if there is no obvious correct answer. Give clear alternatives, e.g. a stated choice of two options.

Provide your child with the opportunity to play, communicate and share activities with other children outside of school hours, including texting or emailing if appropriate.

Ensure that any concerns about your child are not discussed in front of them.

Seek to address any additional social, emotional or mental health needs that your child may have, for example via your GP or at https://www.childrenssociety.org.uk/information/young-people/well-being/services/beam-shropshire-telford-wrekin. Addressing underlying difficulties related to anxiety will help your child to make subsequent progress with their talking.